How is my family handling everything?

 

Everyday I get a chance to connect personally with someone, either by phone or by email that I don't talk to on a day to day basis.  I make this one of my goals to stay connected while I feel so very out of touch with reality right now.  The most common question I get asked is " How is your family handling this?"  My answer to this is not simple.  As you know I have four children all with different personalities and lives.  Then there is Phil, this manly man in my life that is my caregiver and most trusted person in the world to me.  

In fact, it is a pretty multi-layered answer to that question mostly because there is more than one person involved. 

I will start with Phil, my husband of almost 14 years and partner in crime for 16 years.  He is now also my caregiver and has always been my true friend. He IS the strength I need ALL the time.  Even if I get frustrated, sad, mad and hate myself (believe me I do) and may seem "ornery" as he tells me, he lays next to me in bed every night with a back rub and "I love you" and "let's get you healthy."  How does he feel?  I couldn't answer that for him, what I see in him is true love and companionship that undoubtedly is never going to end.  He starts my day everyday and ends my day everyday and he does it with a calm, reassuring sense of love every single time.  That tells me he is on the same page as me, we both know I have a job to do, and we are going to get it done no matter what we have to do to get there.  We both want to be at the end of this life together.....old and alive!

 

My dear Abby, she is 14, how does she feel?  Well, Abby is my old soul who just naturally knows how to handle me.  She is the quiet observer, yet we call her the "drama queen" in our house.  Abby texts me everyday multiple times just to check-in and see how I am feeling. Her responses are always positive and uplifting even if my texts back to her are rather dismal at times.  All she wants is to get this job done because we have a life to live and this was not part of our plan!

Georgia, 11 (very near 12), my outspoken (really where does that come from?) animated and full of information daughter.  How does she feel? I would say she is taking this in stride, she too, knows we have been faced with a task and the job needs to get done.  Her Mom having cancer really sucks and it is almost a motivator to her to want to do better.  Georgia swims competitively and has applied this battle to her own life with an attitude of we are gonna kick ass, and that's what she does, every single day. With an "I love you" and a daily update of the days gossip she keeps it real for me all the time.

 

Stella bear, she's 9, is my baby nurse.  She is a natural born caregiver and just tells me she hopes I feel better every single day.  She is tender, and snugly and loves me more than I could ever put into words and she makes me feel that every time she lays eyes on me.

 

Then there is Mr. Vinnie, he's 6 now, he's just such a nice guy.  He is very curious about all this cancer business.  We have never made this scary or something he needs to be scared of, so for him everyday is like a science chat.  He has all kinds of suggestions for the scientists at the Cancer agency of how they could kill cancer without making his Mom sick, and always wants to know when my eyebrows are going to fall out. I would say he feels sad some days when I'm sick, and just like normal when I'm back up and running.  He's 6 I don't expect great revelations, what I know is every night he tells me he loves me to infinity and that's all I need to know.

 

To sum it all up, I think my family is ok.  We are that, a family and we talk about this cancer business openly and discuss it like any other topic.  We are not afraid of cancer and look at this as a detour in our family plan. 

I am grateful for each and every one of them and would not want to be any place else than home!